Therapy For Everyone!

Because, why not! 
Sensory Processing is a bitch and I have been down that road of questions. I'd rather just work on the answers. 

Sweetie Pie started OT last week for "sensory processing difficulties & delayed self-care". Yup. Vague. 

But I know it can't hurt and might help, so here we go! 

Project 52 - Week 6 "hands"

I don't know if it is is trying to get attention by acting out or if he just feeling attached to the little things he keeps "finding", but my kindergartner has turned to stealing...

His hands get him in trouble a lot, with his impulsiveness. He throws things, hits, pushes, hugs and loves on pets and people without concern about how appropriate it might be.

Its just like a compulsion. He gets consequences for these actions but doesn't seem to have the self control to recall the social "rules" about these things before the does them.

Just like lots of kids struggling to learn the rules, but a little harder.

So here he is, attaching special meaning to a trivial little object and tucking it away...

~

Project 52 / Childhood Memories

Playing in the backyard with the siblings, I did a lot of this as a child growing up in the country and my kids do it all the time. Just making up games and entertaining each other. We rarely have play dates, but with kids 7,5 and 3 years old, they love to play together. Its a blessing!

Letting Go of 2012 - Part 1

Some photography forums I belong to asked what our favorite photo of 2012 was.

It started me thinking and looking back at the year. It was a roller coaster of one for sure, many changes in my life. But I saw this one and I can't say it's my favorite but it maybe the most meaningful photo I took this year.

But hard for me to look at still.

My biological father died in May. His wife, ex-wife,  four step daughters and me (his only biological child, but I was not raised by him) were with him his final week of life and when he passed on.

It was the first time all of us had been together. EVER. We connected, healed and grew through this terrible process.

Hours after he passed in the middle of the early morning, we went down with one sky lantern to the beach, in front of the rental condo where we had been caring for him, and sent that light into the night and watched it burn and disappear.

Then we went  together, under the moon, into the still, cold, cleansing water, to try and find relief or peace or maybe just freedom from the heaviness of it all.

The profoundness of that day carries on. In so many ways, some terrible and some amazing. My life is forever changed. Again.

This was 2012 for me. This feels too personal to share...  But it's the sharing that helps me move on. So I will.

Project 52 - Week 2: Laughter

Raising Einstein

“Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.” - Albert Einstein


I found this quote the other day and instantly found consolation.

We've been struggling with Wild Man's kindergarten experience. Its been a daily challenge to adjust and modify and advocate changes just to see if things will get better. Never knowing exactly what will do the trick. Just learning as we go. There is no other way to figure it out because there has NEVER been another him.

We have had hard days and better days, never easy days.

But this quote reminds me of how worthwhile our efforts are. I am reminded that even though every thing is HARDER for him (and us), it actually is a gift to raise one of the "few". We call our [special needs] kids "special" or "exceptional" for a reason. They really are.

Amazingly special and astoundingly unique. Einstein's mother went through it.

Whenever people try to console me about living with aspergers, they always go to the famous aspies "bill gates has aspergers and look how amazing he did, Einstein too!" and all I can ever think about is how on earth did their mothers survive, how did they cope, what resources did they have??? 

Because,

seriously...

 raising Einstein couldn't have been easy! 

The Dog Days ARE Over

Wow, it's been a long summer.  I just looked back and realized my last post was on April 28th. The very next day was Silly dilly's 7th birthday, and also the day that I got the call that my Father wasn't going to make it.

He'd been in the hospital for 6 weeks, getting worse, without real answers. This was the day his wife called me to tell me that they had answers, and he only had a short time left. Cancer, as it does, had ravaged him. I was on the plane that night.

I was blessed to have almost a week, along side my step-sisters and their moms, to care for him and get closure. To be there the moment he passed. It is a curse and a blessing to be a part of moments that profound. It is a gift.

(okay, deep breath, whew)

So, since there has been so many changes in my life. Some wonderful and some horrible. My dear, poor children definitely made the most sacrifice and didn't see me much. I was traveling and working so much, their wonderful father took great care of them.

But kids miss their moms... it can't be helped.

Now I am home again, refocusing on the most important job I ever had, my kids well being.

The Bigs started back to school, and for Wild Man that meant kindergarten!!!

It's a revelation! But it's also a terrifying challenge to get it right. He has an outdated IEP and two wonderful teachers, and we're just beginning, so I am staying open minded and optimistic. I know that his feelings about school are being developed through this process and I NEED him to have positive feelings.

All my kids have their own "special" needs, like all children. I understand now how some parents choose to "stay home" for their kids. As a working parent, I never really got it until now.

So, it's time to shake the etch-a-sketch and refocus on them, make sure they are getting the support they need, make sure they aren't slipping through the cracks, make sure they feel loved and secure.

It's a big job, but somebody HAS to do it.

Another curse and blessing rolled into one. Another gift. Thank GOD for the cycle of life that gives us this much hope.

Am I Normal?

Sometimes I feel like I am fighting an endless battle. The battle is trying to figure things out. Find the truth, seek the answers, make everything "exactly right". 


I have been admonished on this point and, rationally, I know, that we can't have perfection. So why do I so desperately want it? Why does it drive me out of my skin when my kids are just like me, demanding things be "just right"? 


On my journey to find answers about Aspergers, in order to raise my son "just right", I have fallen down the hole of self discovery. I am shocked at some of what I have stumbled over. 
I found a blog with a post that had a link to a quiz. I don't play farmville, but his game I did play. I am looking for answers you know. So I answered the 150 questions and hit "CALCULATE".  What did it say? 


You are likely an Aspie. 
Oh, okay. 


When I got my Fibromyalgia diagnosis, which I knew was coming, I was broken down. Lost and emotional and lonely. Perhaps my physical state and pain were factors. The same when I speculated that I must have OCD or be Bipolar (as I was diagnosed at 17) or whatever other mental condition I read about that spoke to my oddness and just might explain my DRASTIC under achievements. Or freaking out because my anxiety was too much and I couldn't breathe. 


But this was different. 


I wasn't upset, overwhelmed or over dramatizing... none of it. It was all more "matter of fact". More of an possible explanation. 


More comfortable than any other diagnosis I have ever tried on.


Since taking the "aspie test", I have taken the AQ here with similar results. I have pondered seeking an evaluation and diagnosis. I have looked back on my life, with a new perspective. I can feel my lingering angst over my childhood fading....  


Perhaps I should freak out, cry, get all "why me" on this thing. But I feel more normal now than before. I feel like my son is more normal than I thought. 


Maybe we can be us and be okay.

why I love taking pictures of my babies

Sometimes I catch a moment, by accident, that will fuel my hope forever. That isn't an accident after all.

All My Children

People like to rolls their eyes at me when I tell them I have a lot of children. "How many?" they ask. "Just three" I say "but it feels like a lot!".  The fact is that for me, it is a lot! I am not super mom, or even super anything really.  But I am neurotic enough to wish I were...

Sometimes my neurosis leads me to discoveries and I like to share. I like getting tips. Pinterest is killing me. But I want to share too and also vent. I like feedback, so a private journal is a bit anti climactic.

So here is what I am about in no particular order, 

1) My family is my life. All of them (just the three kids, and hubs) have their unique issues and amazing qualities. Things get complicated. It's overwhelming most days. You can see the "About Me" page for their bios :)

2) I am crazy passionate about trying to be healthy with food. That goes for my kids and whole family. I am not 100% organic and compostable or anything, but I have high expectations regarding food and I am easily perturbed by junk food. Particularly when my kids are subjected to it. This probably stems from my being an ex-deadhead-tree hugging-hippie. Who knows. 

3) I am a photo-aholic. I am addicted to my camera and obsessed with shooting my kids. I have a habit of taking my modest, little, entry level DSLR everywhere I go. My husband thinks I am nuts. I post copious amounts of pictures on facebook. My husband gave me Photoshop Elements for christmas, which has only fed my addiction.

4) I have Fibromyalgia. It affects everything in my life. I can't go a day without some amount of pain and/or fatigue. I was officially diagnosed in 2009 a few months before I found out I was preggers with number 3. It would be impossible to separate this from my experience as a mom. I know we all have challenges in life, this just happens to be one of mine. 

5) We are beach people, full time. We moved to the beach amidst of our unplanned pregnancy meltdown (see Sweetie Pie). We found peace here.

This is about all that. Thanks for listening ;-)