Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Am I Normal?

Sometimes I feel like I am fighting an endless battle. The battle is trying to figure things out. Find the truth, seek the answers, make everything "exactly right". 

I have been admonished on this point and, rationally, I know, that we can't have perfection. So why do I so desperately want it? Why does it drive me out of my skin when my kids are just like me, demanding things be "just right"? 

On my journey to find answers about Aspergers, in order to raise my son "just right", I have fallen down the hole of self discovery. I am shocked at some of what I have stumbled over. 
I found a blog with a post that had a link to a quiz. I don't play farmville, but his game I did play. I am looking for answers you know. So I answered the 150 questions and hit "CALCULATE".  What did it say? 

You are likely an Aspie. 
Oh, okay. 

When I got my Fibromyalgia diagnosis, which I knew was coming, I was broken down. Lost and emotional and lonely. Perhaps my physical state and pain were factors. The same when I speculated that I must have OCD or be Bipolar (as I was diagnosed at 17) or whatever other mental condition I read about that spoke to my oddness and just might explain my DRASTIC under achievements. Or freaking out because my anxiety was too much and I couldn't breathe. 

But this was different. 

I wasn't upset, overwhelmed or over dramatizing... none of it. It was all more "matter of fact". More of an possible explanation. 

More comfortable than any other diagnosis I have ever tried on.

Since taking the "aspie test", I have taken the AQ here with similar results. I have pondered seeking an evaluation and diagnosis. I have looked back on my life, with a new perspective. I can feel my lingering angst over my childhood fading....  

Perhaps I should freak out, cry, get all "why me" on this thing. But I feel more normal now than before. I feel like my son is more normal than I thought. 

Maybe we can be us and be okay.

No comments:

Post a Comment